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Drowning

The waves crash down on my head, pulling my already limp body down into the lonely depths of the sea. Frantically I search for something to pull me back to the surface, but nothing comes. No one knows I'm out here.  My hands claw at the aqua all around my exhausted, slowly dying body, but it's no use. The ocean's depths have already declared my fate. My lunges ache, longing for the air now far above my head. The throbbing pain burns within my chest; utter misery explodes throughout my body. No sign of rescuers. No sign of anyone or anything, my spirit is overwhelmed by the pain this watery prison is causing me. One last look... all I want is one last look at my family. I can't rest in peace knowing my last words were that I don't need help, because I do. Darkness invades my eyesight as I try once more to propel myself to the shore, but my weak body can't take much more. I can hear myself scream underneath the waves, just for one more chance, but my mind fades into a complete eclipse and I sink into the grave where I once came.
Just a short thought of what it feels like to die under water. O_o
:iconnonatwilight:
Nonatwilight Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
The way you've narrated the whole thing, as if its not you but someone else drowning, gives a different dimension to this piece.
Use a comma(,) instead of ; that would give a neat edge.
Nice work, though! :heart:
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:iconscotchietape19:
scotchietape19 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2010
Thankyou! Critques are always welcome ^^
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February 14, 2010
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